Under The Bandaid (::[]::)

Inside me it’s really very dark …
You’ve been warned so
don’t look if you have no intentions
to accept me as I am!
Someday soon I will just be a memory
of what you thought of me.
But I just… can’t do it… today.
So please excuse me from the table.
I miss the person I know I am. All I wanted today
was to collapse into someone’s arms and cry but
there was no one to catch me. People who have
met me often ask how I deal with so much, so easy…
the truth is I don’t. I just am better at hiding
my feelings more than most.
 
My soul fights a battle you never will understand and
I never expected you to. The beauty is in the attempt.
Feeling as if something ripped the silver lining away from
my cloud and decided to strangle me to death with it.
Though it’s not quite strong enough to finish the damn job.
It’s a terrible feeling when fighting with yourself between
whether to wait a little longer or give up now. Sometimes
its holding on that kills you the most. Outsiders are lucky;
they can walk away, but it is me. *Sigh* All I do is disconnect…
Though never far enough… I scream but never loud enough!
  
Yes I know… light, knowledge, happiness, beauty.
Must I go on? Please… I am really content usually,
but in this moment I am on a roller coaster spiraling out
of control. Who knows maybe my psychotic words
can help another if not myself. Knowing we all 
have many battles no one knows of. 
 
You see one side please remember, so I am begging you
to try to see the point. Don’t ask a person with depression
or any invisible illness to snap out of it. Believe me, if only
there was a magic wand. Would you tell a blind person
to just look harder? I really wonder of some.
 ♦
So now back to reality again.
My brand new (::[]::) in place,
tears dried, and eyes showing a distant smile.
“How are you today? Good, that’s great to hear!
Me? Yes, I’m just fine.”
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